opinionated

January 11, 2012 by Shanice · 4 Comments

This is not one of those obsessive posts that will consist of me proclaiming and doting over how wonderful, magnificent, epic, beautiful, amazing, sweet, terrific, outstanding, smashing, astonishing, and extraordinary Beyonce and Jay-Z’s marriage and new baby are. Also, this will not be one of those posts where I will be bashing Beyonce for “faking a pregnancy” or arguing that her and Jay-Z are affiliated with the Illuminati (a cult) with supporting evidence from a trillion different internet sources that are about as credible as the National Inquirer. This is, however, a post where I will express how disgusted I am with how society has glorified and idolized these two individuals.

When I heard Beyonce had her baby, I navigated to my Black gossip site of choice to read the article about it because I was curious and casually interested in things like, what she named the baby, what security was implemented, etc. I did not, however, take to Twitter to express my undying love and passion for “Princess Blue”, “Baby Carter”, or cosign with the rumors that the baby’s name has something to do with the Illuminati. I love Beyonce’s music as much as the next girl who is in her early 20s. But, the world’s obsession with Beyonce, her marriage, Jay-Z, and their baby is nothing short of sickening.

On one side, we have the Beyonce and Jay-Z Enthusiasts. You may have seen them on Facebook and Twitter. These are the people who participated in trending topics where they picked out names for Beyonce’s child like Beyonce was specifically seeking their personal input on what to name her baby. These are the same people who will get heated and defend Beyonce like she put their children through college (or put them through college), is paying their light bill, or any of their bills for that matter. These are the same people calling Beyonce and Jay-Z’s daughter “Princess Blue” or talking about this baby, whom they probably haven’t even seen a picture of, like she is their personal savior.

On the other side, you will find the people who hate Beyonce no matter what she does. These are the people on gossip sites that ranted about Beyonce not slowing down her career to have a child. These are the same people who continued to bash her relentlessly after she finally got pregnant. These are the people who claimed that Beyonce faked her pregnancy. These are the same people who claim to be so tired of Beyonce and call her an attention whore, yet they know her every move including, how many times a day she uses the bathroom, what time she got up this morning, how many stretch marks she has, what kind of weave she wears, etc. [Read more...]

Filed Under: opinionated, Pop Culture ·

December 31, 2011 by Shanice · 4 Comments

Marriage has declined for many reasons– rising levels of education for women, the demise of the shotgun wedding, better contraception, living together has become more acceptable, and divorce has made this generation more skittish. ― Barbara Ray via Psychology Today

Is marriage just a piece of paper now? I certainly don’t think so. I think a lot of people who ~~think~~ argue that marriage is indeed “just a piece of paper” are battling commitment issues, so they try to make marriage seem less important and seem like less of a commitment than it is. If marriage isn’t that big of a deal – why avoid it so much? My best friend, Shoneice, and me had a conversation about marriage a few days ago. Our conversation inspired me to write this entry. Shoneice argues that marriage isn’t all that important and a committed relationship can be just as “official” as a marriage. I don’t agree with her at all.

Marriage is a different level of commitment. It’s one thing for a man to tell me he loves me, will never leave me, and will be faithful. It’s another thing for a man to take vows and sign a marriage license (a legally binding contract).

I watch the show Love and Hip Hop (please don’t judge me), and it was painful to see Chrissy propose to her boyfriend of 7 years, Jim Jones, and then he still not take that next step and agree to marry her. Chrissy’s situation is just like so many other women’s struggles that I have heard about or seen. It’s sad to see women who desperately want to get married, but their boyfriends will not marry them. Some women have to all but lie, connive, and manipulate to get a ring! I have even heard of cases where women have had to give men ultimatums to get them to the altar. Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t want to be in a marriage I had to force the other person to enter into.

I asked Chris (my fiance) why he thinks men like Jim Jones are afraid to get married or genuinely don’t want to get married. Chris’ response was: “Half”. Some people’s fear of marriage kind of made sense to me after Chris said that. It scares some people to have their finances intermingled. It also scares some people to know that if their marriage doesn’t work out, their spouse is probably entitled to half of their money and property. If a relationship doesn’t work out, you can leave and there isn’t much material loss or gain on either end. Marriage changes all of that. That’s just one more reason why marriage is more of a commitment than a long term relationship.

If someone doesn’t want to get married that’s his or her choice. People are certainly entitled to their own opinions and decisions. I don’t think a committed long term relationship is anywhere near the same thing as a marriage. But hey, different strokes for different folks. What do you think?

Filed Under: opinionated, Relationships · Tagged With: marriage

August 24, 2011 by Shanice · 2 Comments

A day after I expressed my love for Nivea products via my Twitter account, I ran across the advertisement below. It is safe to say that I was offended. It is also safe to say that I felt taken after I bought 8 Nivea body washes a few days prior when I went on a couponing spree. Needless to say, I was grateful that I only spent $0.50 per bottle on the body wash since I had coupons. However, after I saw this ad, I wished I would have spent my money on a brand that would not print something so tasteless, offensive, and at the very least oblivious to racial issues.

I do not consider myself ultra sensitive when it comes to race issues. In fact, I am that Black person that often tries to give situations and some people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to intentional racism. But as an educated person, I cannot ignore the obvious undercurrent of racism that I see in the advertisement considering the history of Blacks in America. I know Nivea is a German company, but you would think that the individuals in charge of American marketing would have done their research since it appears they are trying so hard to appeal to Black people. Putting a Black man on an advertisement that says “Re-civilize yourself” was in extremely poor taste. Black men have often been called “brutes”, “uncivilized”, and “barbaric” throughout history. Why would Nivea think that associating Black men with that stigma would make any Black person want to purchase their products?

Furthermore, please look at the head that the model is holding. He has an afro and a beard. Yes, it can be argued that the head simply isn’t “well-groomed”, but why would they intentionally use a Black man with natural Black hair for this particular advertisement considering all the stereotypes and nature of racism? What are they trying to say about Black hair? The “look like you give a damn” tagline doesn’t help Nivea’s case either. I am still wondering who would actually approve this ad. I also wonder if the approving parties had a hidden agenda. If they really wanted to use this concept, they could have used a model of a different ethnicity that doesn’t have a long history of being associated with the “uncivilized”. Sorry Nivea. I can’t consciously support such a tasteless company. You can keep your fake apology.

Filed Under: opinionated ·

November 8, 2010 by Shanice · 2 Comments

Don’t mix business with pleasure.

I’m sure we have all heard that phrase, but how many of us really abide by that when it comes to dating? In fact, what exactly is considered “business”? Does this just include people you work with or is it including college students and their college professors? Does it include someone you have to work with even outside of a paying job? This is another topic that was sparked by a conversation I had with one of my friends. What exactly are the boundaries for not mixing business with pleasure? Anyway, here are my thoughts on a few scenarios.

At work. I definitely don’t think two people who work closely together should date. I think if two people work at the same place, but in different departments or areas that is fine. Speaking from personal experience, it’s a disaster waiting to happen if you date someone you work closely with and see on the regular. I am not saying that this is definitive, but I definitely think two people who work together should enter into a nonprofessional relationship with caution. Think about it. If you are dating the guy at work, what if it doesn’t work out? What if he starts dating another one of your coworkers? I am not trying to set up a “what if” game, but these are very realistic scenarios. Dating a coworker can lead to a lot of awkward situations as well as frustration. If it doesn’t work out, you still have to see this person on a daily basis and tolerate them even if you don’t want to for the sake of your job.

In a college setting. This is the scenario I am not quite sure about. College is a weird time because while your professors (teachers) are authority figures, you are still an adult. It’s not like high school where the students are “children” and the authority figures are adults. Of course I am referring to college student who are of age to be dating their professors. For obvious reasons I don’t think a student should be involved with their professor while they are in their class. But, what if the student isn’t in the professor’s class anymore? Is it okay if they date even if the student still takes classes in the same department? The emotional side of me says that if two adults are interested in each other, then they should be able to explore that interest regardless of the rules. At the same time, there is a lot to be lost when mixing business with pleasure in an academic setting. The professor risks losing the respect of his or her colleagues, and not to mention he or she could get fired. Even considering the consequences, should something like “the rules” or subjective “ethics” keep two people who are potentially soul mates from being together? I have yet to answer these questions in my mind. While I do not think I would personally date one of my professors, I know it is a real dilemma for some college students.

Miscellaneous. When I say miscellaneous I am referring to volunteer positions such as a Sunday school teacher and a deacon or maybe a secretary and treasurer of a student organization. I guess volunteering can be placed into either the business or pleasure category depending on your views, but the issue that remains is: how would you feel working with someone in a somewhat professional setting after dating them? I would also caution this type of relationship as well because if the volunteering is something that you enjoy and want continue – it might be best to not cross the line and date someone who you have to see regularly.

If you are not working closely with someone, I definitely say go for it. On the other hand, if you are considering dating someone who you have to see everyday whether you want to or not, then I would not recommend it until you all do not have to work together anymore.But of course, this is just my opinion. I know I think and analyze everything more than the average person, but I these things should be considered before just jumping into a relationship with someone you work with.

What do you think? Have you ever mixed business and pleasure?

Filed Under: opinionated · Tagged With: dating

January 24, 2010 by Shanice · 13 Comments

As a Black woman who frequently dates outside of my race, I have heard and experienced things that White people have said that many Black people would consider offensive. However, I just find a lot of them L.O.L funny because they don’t know. There is no racism or malicious intent with any of these statements or assumptions. That is why I just laugh and think to myself, “They don’t know. They can’t know how bad this sounds!” Here’s the list that I put together for all of the White people out there with Black friends, or those who regularly interact with Black people and worry about some of the things you say.

All of us do not wear weaves.

Yes, all Black girls do not wear weaves. Even the Black girls who do wear weaves probably do not wear them all the time. Some of us like to switch it up. And just because a Black girl does so happen to be wearing a weave, that does not mean she has short hair. As a matter of fact, other races wear weaves as well, and its about time for society to stop acting like we are the only ones who wear them! While we are on the subject, if you see a Black girl with a hairstyle and you are not sure whether or not she has a weave – do not ask and do not assume! You will do better to simply ignore her hair all together.

True story: I was on a date with a White guy, and we were in this really nice Italian restaurant. They had soft classical music playing, the lights were dim, and wine was being poured. All of a sudden he bursts out [loud as hell], “Is that a weave?!?” – out of nowhere. Seriously, I could not make this up even if I wanted to! I was so embarrassed! After telling him no, he then said, “Oh ok. I dated a Black girl once and she had a weave.” That was not a deal breaker for me as far as dating him goes because I just thought to myself once again, “He doesn’t know. He can’t know how bad that sounded!” (image credit: ehow.com)

You do not have to like Barack Obama.

If you don’t get that previous statement, keep reading. After the 2008 Presidential Election, “I LOVE BARACK OBAMA!” became equivalent to “I AM OKAY WITH BLACK PEOPLE!” I cannot tell you how many White people I have heard professing their love for Barack Obama a little too loudly and making a point to make direct eye contact with me while saying it. Most of us don’t care about your political views, let alone whether or not you support the first Black president. It is okay! We know that some people have valid reasons for not supporting the president. It doesn’t always have to be about race.

Do not ever say: “You speak really well” to a Black person.

Please! Do not tell a Black person that they speak really well. Doing so will only send the message that you think all Blacks talk like Lil’ Wayne or Gucci Mane. This is not the case. The majority of us talk like we have some sense and education. Don’t be fooled by stereotypes and the few that don’t.

Honorable Mentions:

After you have offended a Black person with a comment that may or may not have truly been racist, do not ever defend yourself by saying, “I have Black friends! I have had Black people come to my house for dinner!” This will only make things worse.
All successful Black people have not benefited from affirmative action. Do not assume this! Speaking of which, White women are the primary beneficiaries of affirmative action anyway.
I don’t care what’s politically correct. Every Black person does not like to be referred to as “African American”.

Have you ever been guilty of any of these? What are some things people assume about your race?

Filed Under: opinionated, Pop Culture · Tagged With: just for kicks