Marriage has declined for many reasons– rising levels of education for women, the demise of the shotgun wedding, better contraception, living together has become more acceptable, and divorce has made this generation more skittish. ― Barbara Ray via Psychology Today
Is marriage just a piece of paper now? I certainly don’t think so. I think a lot of people who think argue that marriage is indeed “just a piece of paper” are battling commitment issues, so they try to make marriage seem less important and seem like less of a commitment than it is. If marriage isn’t that big of a deal – why avoid it so much? My best friend, Shoneice, and me had a conversation about marriage a few days ago. Our conversation inspired me to write this entry. Shoneice argues that marriage isn’t all that important and a committed relationship can be just as “official” as a marriage. I don’t agree with her at all.
Marriage is a different level of commitment. It’s one thing for a man to tell me he loves me, will never leave me, and will be faithful. It’s another thing for a man to take vows and sign a marriage license (a legally binding contract).
I watch the show Love and Hip Hop (please don’t judge me), and it was painful to see Chrissy propose to her boyfriend of 7 years, Jim Jones, and then he still not take that next step and agree to marry her. Chrissy’s situation is just like so many other women’s struggles that I have heard about or seen. It’s sad to see women who desperately want to get married, but their boyfriends will not marry them. Some women have to all but lie, connive, and manipulate to get a ring! I have even heard of cases where women have had to give men ultimatums to get them to the altar. Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t want to be in a marriage I had to force the other person to enter into.
I asked Chris (my fiance) why he thinks men like Jim Jones are afraid to get married or genuinely don’t want to get married. Chris’ response was: “Half”. Some people’s fear of marriage kind of made sense to me after Chris said that. It scares some people to have their finances intermingled. It also scares some people to know that if their marriage doesn’t work out, their spouse is probably entitled to half of their money and property. If a relationship doesn’t work out, you can leave and there isn’t much material loss or gain on either end. Marriage changes all of that. That’s just one more reason why marriage is more of a commitment than a long term relationship.
If someone doesn’t want to get married that’s his or her choice. People are certainly entitled to their own opinions and decisions. I don’t think a committed long term relationship is anywhere near the same thing as a marriage. But hey, different strokes for different folks. What do you think?
About Shanice
Hi, I'm Shanice. Welcome to essjaee.com. I'm a 22 year old college grad who is engaged to a wonderful guy, 
I actually agree with you 100%. Marriage is on a higher level than just a committed relationship. When you’re in a committed relationship, you dont vow to be with that person for the rest of your life. You’re just letting them know that I’m going to be with you and only you. There is no time frame. When you get married, you’re saying I want to be with you and only you until death does us part, with a legally binding contract, the marriage license. You dont have that with a committed relationship, you just hope that commitment last.
You’re not the only one, I watch Love & Hip Hop too, and its very painful to see Chrissy propose to Jim. & When she did do so , he didnt really say yes, he just gave her a kiss , and hug. Not really responding.
I agree, I wouldn’t want to be in a marriage with someone who doesnt want to be married to me. It would hurt too much inside, to know that person is settling for me, instead of actually wanting to be in a marriage with me.
I completely agree with you 100%. People are so twisted now-a-days, it’s not even funny anymore. Marriage to me is a serious thing – like we’ll be taking vows in front of God (that is nothing to play with).
With the Chrissy and Jim Jones situation – I wanted to cry for her. I felt so bad that she took the initiative, she put her pride aside and asked him to marry her and he dismissed/overlooked the situation. But at the same time, you can’t make a person go out and marry you especially when they aren’t ready. You got to have your head in the game completely.
I couldn’t agree more ! When I watched that Love & Hip Hop episode, my first response was “wouldn’t be me”. But, it really could be me! I have a few years before I think about tying the knot but I hope that whoever I choose to be with won’t have the same views and fears as Jim Jones.
It’s sad to see that the institution of marraige has lost its importance to many in our society. It’s so much stronger than promising to commit yourself, it’s a vow under God. But, eh… to each his own I guess.
Loved this post!
I completely agree with this article and it’s a shame when women have to manipulate men to marry them but at the same time you have to date a marriage minded man. I think that’s a neutral question to ask while dating and getting to know someone, whether they value marriage and want to get married in the future. You can’t change someone into being the marrying type if they never valued it in the first place. Marriage should come when both individuals are ready and I don’t think it should take year on years in some cases. If you know you love that person and you want to spend the rest of your life with them then profess that love in front of God, family, and friends and make it so that you are completely exclusive. No matter how you put it, if you aren’t married you are single. You can’t even receive information from the doctor, God forbid, if something happens to your partner because you are just the girlfriend or boyfriend.
I love this article and it makes so much sense.